Consultant Games

So, you got this new job, with a new office and new power. It's time to show the world what a first class leader and wise business person you are. It's all in your hands now, and you know exactly what to do.

Before even learning how the business of your new employer works, you are going to turn things around. You are going to "change things around here!" Congratulations on your opportunity.

So the first thing you do is hire consultants. They can come into your place of business, meet with you to find out what you think should be done, spend months there, and then produce a proposal that contains everything you told them should be done.

At that point they will have proven that you know what you are talking about, because they will have told you exactly what you told them. Not only that, they will have slogans you like, and they will tell you that you need to get rid of people you told them you don't like.

You have just wasted your new employer's money. The fact is that your new employer is worse off by hiring you. You will have changed nothing except the bottom line, and that will have a new bottom because of you.

Now, why do you have to hire consultants if you are as smart as you think you are? Why don't you produce the value you say you are going to produce, rather than spending big bucks on somebody else? I know why you don't produce the value. It's because you can't. Sadly, you and others like you will never know how incompetent you are. You will never realize that you don't produce value. You destroy value. And you do not deserve the new job you have.

Your company would be better off if you had taken the money spent on the consultants and burned it. You would still be out the money, but your workers would not have to stumble over the herd of consultants throughout the day, and they would be able to continue getting their work done without all the interruptions and silly directives.

Oh, and listen guy, if you cannot lead without consultants, the irony is that you don't need to be leading at all, because you cannot lead effectively. It may appear that you are leading wisely while the consultants are around, because they will gladly support every decision and recommendation you make. After all, they are making money by being your mouthpiece. But when they are gone, you will still be as stupid as you were before. Your company is already in trouble just by having you around. That's how you have "changed things around here." The one thing you can do to help your company the most would be to quit your job.